"Dancing for Bluebird - Phone Calls & Life" by Toni Van Dyken
We’ve all experienced major life changes that come with our own choosing: marriage, going to college, or taking a job in a different state or city. Have you ever noticed how your life can take a new direction with a minor, simple event such as overhearing a conversation, a comment from a stranger, or a phone call from out of the blue?
I experienced one of those “minor” events in 2007 when the director of Camp Bluebird called with a desperate last minute plea. Due to another minister’s cancellation she invited me to be retreat chaplain for the October Reunion Weekend. She outlined my duties summing up with an, “Oh yes, as part of the weekend you will dress in a “bluebird” costume and do a “bluebird” dance.”
I had had family members and friends who had struggled through the identity crisis and fear of a cancer diagnosis, who had suffered through the extenuating circumstances of cancer treatment, and lost a few to that transition called death. Having those personal experiences and as a spiritual director and minister I was willing to be available for a few days to support those in their fight to survive. The miracle was that the calendar for that weekend was open, and I was glad to say yes.
With my personal experience and training, I thought I was well prepared for the weekend, but it was the most amazing experience of my life. It had very little to do with what I had to offer. It was what I received that weekend that was the most astonishing. What I remember the most was the laughter. The participants came with a variety of diagnosis and physical conditions. Like their quickness to humor, their courage stood out. I couldn’t imagine the courage it took just to show up, to take themselves out of their safe routines, to come for comfort and companionship. And then I watched as they extended themselves even further with smiles and delight. It was a gift to behold. The weekend featured a Halloween costume party and included two Elviras, the Toothfairy, a clown, a couple of devils, a Viking, and perhaps, a chance to be someone else for a little while, to be someone without a cancer diagnosis. I received last minute instructions in the small kitchen as the staff changed into our costumes for the bluebird dance. I don’t know if I got the words or the steps right but my heart was singing for these phenomenal people who were facing the possibility of death and had found the capacity to live with such joy. A last minute phone call had changed my life and without knowing it would prepare me to deal with a dramatic turn in my own life events.
The following July I found myself waiting for a phone call. This phone call was not about a volunteer opportunity, it was waiting for the pathology results from a breast biopsy. One of my most disappointing moments in contending with my breast cancer diagnosis was when I had to call the director of Bluebird to cancel my role as chaplain for the 2008 September retreat and that I would miss the year’s retreat and opportunity to volunteer. I was scheduled for a double mastectomy and beginning reconstruction set for September 10. The lessons I had learned from the previous Bluebird Retreat came back to give me strength. Beyond the laughter, courage, and joy I had witnessed, I had learned: being whole has little to do with being sick; being vulnerable and honest will get you the support you really need; those who challenge and question live longer than those who are compliant, afraid to complain; not knowing the future is less scary knowing that you are not traveling alone – there are many people willing to travel with you; there are as many ways to deal with cancer as there are people who get cancer – everyone has the freedom to do it their way; and finally, that this journey called cancer can be a doorway to deeper meaning and transformation.
Phone calls bringing invitations to volunteer, phone calls bringing a cancer diagnosis, isn’t this human journey a wonder? I am grateful that I will be back to serve as chaplain for the September 2009 retreat marking the one-year anniversary of my surgery. I can’t think of a better way to come back from my own cancer diagnosis, or a better group of people with whom to celebrate! I know that I will laugh a lot. I know that even as I don that Bluebird costume and sing and dance that I will be surrounded by a committed staff and volunteer support and the broader community they represent, but even more I will be surrounded by people who know what it means to live with a cancer diagnosis.
In the continued spirit of gratitude, I delighted to be working with Bluebird Cancer Retreats, to facilitate an ongoing monthly cancer support group in the Tri-Cities area. While a weekend retreat offers so much for some, many expressed the need of staying connected after a retreat, or the retreat environment doesn’t meet some survivors’ needs. We will be meeting at the Bluebird offices at 917 W. Savidge, Suite 37 in Spring Lake on the first Thursday of the month beginning October 1 from 9:30 – 11:00 am and 7 – 8:30 pm. Using a sacred story format will we come together to listen for the personal meaning of our illness in the supportive environment of other survivors.
Please consider joining us for the journey together.
